Oh the Fun We Had... — Pandorah's Box

Last weekend was my brother's fiance's bachelorette.

And oh my god, what fun we had...

Cool picture loser.

The day started with my sister and I driving a million miles away to London, where my bro and Sara live. Ok, it's not really a million miles or anything. It's two hours away, but shit it felt like longer.

The drive is pretty boring, so I had to entertain myself. Also, I really had to pee.

I decided to spoil us and splurged for a hotel room. I needed a night out and a swanky room to cure my doldrums, and shit motha fucka! It worked!

This is the serious way to party. None of this teensy little ice bucket they give you that would hold a a drink or two....no, an entire recycle bin for us thank you very much.

Can you BE any prettier?

I went behind the curtain on the windowsill because I wanted to take pictures of our view. My sister started taking pictures of me being an awesome human being, or in my head 'a ghost'. No, I never grew up. And I never will.

I quickly tired of this game and sent her on her way.

See? Not much of a view, but who cares? I wasn't planning on sitting on the windowsill, brushing my hair and dreaming of my prince. I was waiting to go out and celebrate!

Sigh....awesome. Sara, sorry about these.

Body jewelry....yes, otherwise known as 'hair removal system'. This one hurt coming off.

Sara informed us that she was on her way, and I was all indecisive about whether or not to have a drink before we went out for dinner. She texted and said she was five minutes away, and at that moment my brain decided to work and I opened this 'sophisticated vodka cooler' and downed that shit. What does that even mean, sophisticated....oh lord, never mind. Needless to say, I was experiencing the drunks at dinner. I hadn't eaten much all day!

Strapped into the backseat of her car, Krista and I got to meet Petey. Petey is a giant penis that has apparently made the rounds at all her family bachelorettes. I am hoping that Petey makes an appearance at the wedding, like, AS MY DATE. After we finished dinner and were back at the car, a very nice older gentleman held my door open for me, only to come face to face with a giant blow up dick. Ha ha, errr, yup! See you later!

He had a great set of balls too. Not too much wrinkle to them. Just enough.

We went to the most amazing bar ever. Downtown Kathy Brown's in London. Go there on a Saturday night and I promise you, even if you are the world's most cantankerous person, you will have a blast at this bar.

This was at the beginning of the night. The beginning of my demise.

That is some serious dance hair. I was sweating like a pig on account of dancing and not stopping. I believe we danced for three hours, non-stop. It was 80s-90s night. So much fun.

So my shirt, my shirt. My shirt was getting a lot of attention this evening. I was wearing a Ninja Turtles shirt, and apparently every man who was a pre-teen in the early 90s was in attendance on because a few came up to tell me how AWESOME! my shirt was. Meaning, nice tits, wanna fuck, in bar speak. This guy was THE best though. He was so loaded and trying to dance all up in our dance space. It really is the ugliest picture of me ever but I had to include it because he was so funny. His tactics were awesome. My sister and I were busting our guts at his moves...oh man. I look scared because I was a little bit.

More amazing dance hair.

These were on my arm until I ripped that shit off and left my mark on the wall.

Drunk and happy. It really was a fun night. To the guy who bought us all shots because he loved my shirt like no other, thanks dude. You were pretty cool and not a gross kind of guy at all.