The Glasses Fiasco: Part 1

Around three weeks ago, I went and had my eyes checked.  I am telling you this because it is a big deal.  I hadn't had my eyes checked in SIX YEARS.  Therefore I have been wearing the same glasses for six years and they are pretty much done.  They are rough looking, and barely fit my head anymore.

So here is the exciting part!! I bought TWO new pairs of glasses.  The decision to buy a pair of glasses is much bigger than you think, for those of you who are not cursed with four eyes.  So I asked the glasses guy to help me choose the BEST pair of glasses for me.  My big gay glasses guy.  I knew I was in good hands.  

I told him to not be afraid to rip my choices apart.  This is what I NEEDED.  An advocate for me to look my best.  I mean, usually glasses are the first thing that people see...I need to coordinate my outfits around those babies!  It was a quick process.  I explained to him what I was looking for, he found me a plethora of different pairs to try, and pretty much 'yes' or 'no'-ed me until just the right two pairs were chosen.  And he wasn't afraid to tell me when certain ones looked ugly.  I love him.  

After making the choice and paying for them, the next part was having to wait.  And I HATE waiting.  Once I have paid for something it needs to be in my hands RIGHT NOW.  So when I received a phone call this past Friday letting me know that they were being shipped out via overnight courier right at that moment, I got super excited.  

So this is what I did:

I waited until Saturday morning (knowing full well that nothing is delivered on Saturdays) and called the glasses store to see if they got them in yet.  Only I LIED and said they were sent out on Thursday.  WHY DO I DO THIS?  In hopes that if I lie hard enough it will become a reality?  To try and trick the glasses people?  NO! They have no control over when things are delivered!  So as you can most likely guess, no dice.  They told me to check back on Monday.

I did.  No dice.

It is now Tuesday and they JUST called me to let me know they are in (it's 4PM).

P.S- Why do I get so offended when people try on my glasses and say "Woah! I can't see through these AT ALL!  These are crazy blurry!".

a) they aren't YOUR glasses ASSHOLE, therefore not your prescription.  Why would you be able to see out of them?

b) Fuck you!  I have an astigmatism!