Oh Monday. Usually I do not mind you. In fact, as far as days go, I like you. I have had a two day break before I have to face you, so it's never a chore to get through you. Another thing that is good about you, is that you are fast. When it comes to the first day of the work week? The faster the better. The other days of the week are a little too virginal for me, a little too chaste if you will, but you never disappoint in going straight from point A to point B. My kind of day; you don't like to fuck around.
But WTF happened to you today, Monday? Not only did you brutally kick my ass out of bed this morning, but you made it rain. You know how much I hate rain on Monday mornings. And then you made Dave and I get into an argument. About HAND TOWELS. And the proper use of them. An ARGUMENT. Holy eff Monday, you woke up on the wrong side of life today and you took us with you.
Because I am hurting so badly today from all the weekend workouts, you went ahead and tilted the hills I have to walk up to a steeper incline. I know you did. You can't lie to me like that. Normally those hills and I have an understanding. They let me walk up with minimal discomfort, and I keep my insults about their shitty hilly ways to myself. But not today!
Once I got to work I thought I could breath a sigh of relief. I was looking forward to my usual cup of tea, and yoghurt and granola breakfast. But to get those things I had to go upstairs into the glaring lights of an insane asylum. Someone went ahead and changed all the light bulbs on the second floor to the 30,000 watt, glare-into-your-soul-and-display-all-the-deep-dark-secrets-I-didn't-even-know-I-had kind. What gives Monday? You know I only work in the dark.
Not only that, but I remembered two minutes before the first one started that I had TWO meetings today. No one schedules two meetings on Monday unless they are trying to test a person's breaking point. And good job Monday, it was tested.
And then once the work day was over, you made it so that when I fell over onto my couch and could not move a single muscle, I would not be able to reach the remote. And the TYRA BANKS SHOW was on.
